Stewing in our own juices

We went to the pool the other day - The Children, me and 'Mater.  Our pool has very strict rules -  floaties (no), snorkels (no), and masks (no). The Children are different Pool Children than I or my brother were growing up and it's been difficult to equate their aquatic style to mine. Accessories that I have learned are a must for The Children are nose plugs, goggles, and water wings. Water wings I understand because five-year old boys don't float. They have heavy butts and they just sink. It's Science, People; therefore, fact.  But, nose plugs and eye goggles are beyond my comprehension for a necessity for swimming.  My brother, at 18 months, was flinging himself into the deep end of a pool all by himself with no accoutrements.  Now, that may have happened because his motor skills were still developing and he was wobbly, or, maybe, the full diaper threw him off balance. Regardless, it helped developed my mother's reflexes because I had never before seen her throw herself into a pool that quickly. These Children though, 'Mater's Children,  are wall huggers,  goggle wearers,  and doggie paddlers and I don't know what to do with a child in the water that I can't pick up and toss into the deep end of the pool like an Olympic Athlete with a shot put.

I spent most of the time in the water with Boy Child draped on my arm like a tiny baboon, which really was okay because I figured I was getting an extra workout in following Blondie around  the pool with Boy Child in tow - especially since Boy Child refused to kick to help propel us. Maybe baboon is a bad analogy. I'm more like a tug boat.

So, to amuse myself, I stood in the water bench pressing Boy Child (Blondie and I put him at about 40-50 lbs) over my head and back into the water until he told me to cut it out. When I turned him around, he had boogers hanging off his face. Even a full 24 hours after this incident, I'm still gagging. I can't handle boogers on kids. I had to explain to him how to wipe his face to get it off,  then I had to swim away to the deep end and dry heave. Yes, I'm a sissy. I can't clean up animal vomit or dog poop without throwing up myself. Cleaning phlegm off Boy Child just isn't going to happen in my life time. But then I had the horrible epiphany that if Boy Child had water boogers and the pool was filled with other children, we were  all swimming in water boogers. Egad, my man! I think the pool may have just been ruined for me this summer.  I'll  stick to the ocean and just deal with the fish poop floating around.