'Mater (the Children's father), The Children and I convoyed
to the park. My mission was to lead a group of individuals in vigorous
calisthenics. The Children and 'Mater went off to conquer the playground
equipment. Both missions were fairly
successfully. During the convoy back to Home Base, Boy Child established comms
via cell phone with Mother and related the day's events. The conversation went
as follows:
Boy
Child: I jumped off a cliff and did a booty bump!
Mother: *indistinguishable loud noises*
The cliff was a 12 inch step and the booty bump is what
happens when you jump onto a pile of slippery pine needles and land on your tush. Boy Child appears to lean towards
exaggeration. I see politics in his future. Blondie was very amused by the
booty bump description and lost control of her senses as she collapsed into
laughter.
At Home Base, 'Mater conducted an inspection of The
Children's living quarters and recovered a box of sparklers from underneath Boy
Child's pillow.
Conclusion: Boy Child is using inflammatory rhetoric to
rally Actual Mother in Florida to his aid. I believe the sparklers were going
to be used as signal flares. Though Boy Child continues to hoard weapons, he
appears to want to go solo in this venture as he dimed out Blondie for a stash
of toothpicks in her bag. I can only imagine she was trying to make some sort
of punji stick from the toothpicks and the still missing gum.
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