Mood Ring - Schmood Ring. We have apps for that now

I remember getting my first mood ring from Spencer's and monitoring it constantly to determine my exact mood  at any given moment.  It was very mysterious and magical to me and I thought I was super cool.

This generation of kids don't DO mood rings, they do mood apps. Right before Blondie maxed out my internet data usage for the month, she downloaded an app that will scan your fingertip on the Nook screen and tell you how you are feeling. It's pretty damn accurate. The first time she scanned my finger I was on the phone with 'Mater who was informing me that he wasn't going to be home until 11pm and lo and behold, my scan came back 'angry'.

The children thought that was hysterical. So hysterical that they scanned every single living being in the house, to include the animals. They started with the cat. Oliver, my 20lb mountain lion, read as 'embarrassed'.  I mean, cats do prefer to be mysterious and I'm sure they don't appreciate their mood being broadcasted .

 Coco started off as 'good', which wasn't enough for the kids so they scanned her again. That made Coco 'happy' because she likes attention. The children were excited they got a different read so they scanned her again. At this point, Coco had two hyper children leaning over her, the cat watching her (and judging) and the other dog standing over her staring. Not surprising that Coco's next read came back as 'overwhelmed'.

This just left Wyatt, who's mood read as 'suspicious', and was well warranted, because this is what the kids did to him not 12 hours later. A crown and a cape. Mood?  Embarrassed. 

I'll admit, I'm going to download this app to my phone. It's fun to see 'smug' show as the mood when you've just beat out everyone in the house in a game of MarioKart. 

Shooting off the mouth for 4th of July!

I've been threatening the children that I will shake them if they don't behave. I'm joking and they 100% know that. Boy Child specifically ASKS me if I can hang him by his toes. So, clearly, they don't feel intimated by my threats. 

However, there are some people that wouldn't immediately understand that I'm joking. Like, say, ooh, most adults out in public.  So I don't say those things to the children in public. Boy Child missed the memo though about what we say in our house doesn't have to repeated in public.

Fourth of July. We are parked by the Food Lion parking lot with, what I assume, was most of the county's residents.  

Boy Child is bored waiting for the fireworks show to begin, which means he expects me to entertain him.  

It was about 95 degrees with 100% humidity and I really wasn't in the mood to wrestle with him so Boy Child screams out "WELL!!!! Why don't you just shake me then? You are always saying you're going to do it!"  

Did I mention that half of the county was parked next to us?  And that there was a lull in the general chaos ensuing around us when he decided to yell this out?  And that no less than 25 pair of eyes looked directly at me...and Then. They. All. Looked. Away...

I think we were shunned.

Lost in Translation

I have a tendency to use multi-syllable  words when I speak. I've loved words ever since my 4th grade teacher started teaching us words such  as 'decrepit' and 'appalled'.  My mother used to get a kick out of it when my  nine-year-old self  would say things out in public like "I'm just appalled that your socks don't match your shirt, Mom!".

Now that I'm hanging out with my nine-year-old step-daughter and six-year-old step-son,  I never quite know which words they understand and which ones I need to explain. For example, when I said "Don't maim your sister" after Boy Child tried to jam a pencil into her leg, should I explain what maim means?  Answer - yes; furthermore, Boy Child loved the description of maim.

Boy Child has also been running around the house calling his sister "Infidel" in an Achmed the Dead Terrorist voice. 'Mater asked him if he knew what that word meant.

Boy Child's answer, complete with his hands on his hips:  Lookie here! Every word I'm saying, I'm learning! All my friends know that. Duh!

Too true, Boy Child.

Since I fully support filling his little sponge brain, I've now added annihilate and Zone of Terror to his vocabulary.

I wonder how his mom is going to feel when Boy Child yells out "You're in my Zone of Terror, Infidel! Prepare to be annihilated!" 

I bet proud, yes?

Role Playing at the dinner table

We had a family dinner the other night. 

I cooked my Famous bacon wrapped chicken with red beans and rice. 

It is delicious and the kids always love it because Bacon, People! Bacon!

During dinner, Boy Child decided we should portray the personalities of everyone else.

He was me. This is what he said:

     Go Outside!

     Use Your Imagination!

     Why aren't you using your imagination?

     Why aren't you outside using your imagination?!

So ironic that he can parrot everything I say to him but can't actually manage to do any of those things. ***Sigh***