They're Baaaccck!!!!

The kiddos are here for a whole week for Spring Break. It's been near 7 months since I've seen them last and my how fast they change. They've both grown a full two inches and Blondie is now about 5 feet tall...at 10 years old, which means she can, and does, wear my jackets and shoes. Last summer I made of point of keeping her fully stocked in flip flops or else mine would go missing. Tonight, I arrived home to find my newest jacket had been snitched. This is fine because probably I'll be able to wear some of her clothes when she gets older. Should any complaints arise, I'll refer her back to her shoe/coat snatching days.

One of my favorite moments with the kiddos has always been dinner. We all sit down to eat and they usually lead the conversation...into some pretty wild topics. Last night, Boy Child was telling me about he, Blondie and Mater all fell asleep on Grandma's couch watching Frozen. I asked him how he got to bed and the following conversation ensued (and I laughed - A LOT)

Me: How'd you get to bed?

Boy Child: Grandma dragged me to bed.  (stated just as calmly as you please)

Me: What?! I'm sure not

           Mater then asked Blondie how she got to bed and she said:

Blondie:  I don't know.

Me: Did you get dragged too?

Blondie: Maybe?

Boy Child: Did you smell the floor? That's how you know. (said with the utmost sincerity). 

I don't know how they come up with this stuff. I mean, I'm sure Grandma didn't drag him to bed, maybe she just gently pulled him across the wood floor, kind of like you do with recalcitrant animals...or sleepy six-year-old boys who don't want to move.

Mood Ring - Schmood Ring. We have apps for that now

I remember getting my first mood ring from Spencer's and monitoring it constantly to determine my exact mood  at any given moment.  It was very mysterious and magical to me and I thought I was super cool.

This generation of kids don't DO mood rings, they do mood apps. Right before Blondie maxed out my internet data usage for the month, she downloaded an app that will scan your fingertip on the Nook screen and tell you how you are feeling. It's pretty damn accurate. The first time she scanned my finger I was on the phone with 'Mater who was informing me that he wasn't going to be home until 11pm and lo and behold, my scan came back 'angry'.

The children thought that was hysterical. So hysterical that they scanned every single living being in the house, to include the animals. They started with the cat. Oliver, my 20lb mountain lion, read as 'embarrassed'.  I mean, cats do prefer to be mysterious and I'm sure they don't appreciate their mood being broadcasted .

 Coco started off as 'good', which wasn't enough for the kids so they scanned her again. That made Coco 'happy' because she likes attention. The children were excited they got a different read so they scanned her again. At this point, Coco had two hyper children leaning over her, the cat watching her (and judging) and the other dog standing over her staring. Not surprising that Coco's next read came back as 'overwhelmed'.

This just left Wyatt, who's mood read as 'suspicious', and was well warranted, because this is what the kids did to him not 12 hours later. A crown and a cape. Mood?  Embarrassed. 

I'll admit, I'm going to download this app to my phone. It's fun to see 'smug' show as the mood when you've just beat out everyone in the house in a game of MarioKart. 

Shooting off the mouth for 4th of July!

I've been threatening the children that I will shake them if they don't behave. I'm joking and they 100% know that. Boy Child specifically ASKS me if I can hang him by his toes. So, clearly, they don't feel intimated by my threats. 

However, there are some people that wouldn't immediately understand that I'm joking. Like, say, ooh, most adults out in public.  So I don't say those things to the children in public. Boy Child missed the memo though about what we say in our house doesn't have to repeated in public.

Fourth of July. We are parked by the Food Lion parking lot with, what I assume, was most of the county's residents.  

Boy Child is bored waiting for the fireworks show to begin, which means he expects me to entertain him.  

It was about 95 degrees with 100% humidity and I really wasn't in the mood to wrestle with him so Boy Child screams out "WELL!!!! Why don't you just shake me then? You are always saying you're going to do it!"  

Did I mention that half of the county was parked next to us?  And that there was a lull in the general chaos ensuing around us when he decided to yell this out?  And that no less than 25 pair of eyes looked directly at me...and Then. They. All. Looked. Away...

I think we were shunned.

Lost in Translation

I have a tendency to use multi-syllable  words when I speak. I've loved words ever since my 4th grade teacher started teaching us words such  as 'decrepit' and 'appalled'.  My mother used to get a kick out of it when my  nine-year-old self  would say things out in public like "I'm just appalled that your socks don't match your shirt, Mom!".

Now that I'm hanging out with my nine-year-old step-daughter and six-year-old step-son,  I never quite know which words they understand and which ones I need to explain. For example, when I said "Don't maim your sister" after Boy Child tried to jam a pencil into her leg, should I explain what maim means?  Answer - yes; furthermore, Boy Child loved the description of maim.

Boy Child has also been running around the house calling his sister "Infidel" in an Achmed the Dead Terrorist voice. 'Mater asked him if he knew what that word meant.

Boy Child's answer, complete with his hands on his hips:  Lookie here! Every word I'm saying, I'm learning! All my friends know that. Duh!

Too true, Boy Child.

Since I fully support filling his little sponge brain, I've now added annihilate and Zone of Terror to his vocabulary.

I wonder how his mom is going to feel when Boy Child yells out "You're in my Zone of Terror, Infidel! Prepare to be annihilated!" 

I bet proud, yes?

Role Playing at the dinner table

We had a family dinner the other night. 

I cooked my Famous bacon wrapped chicken with red beans and rice. 

It is delicious and the kids always love it because Bacon, People! Bacon!

During dinner, Boy Child decided we should portray the personalities of everyone else.

He was me. This is what he said:

     Go Outside!

     Use Your Imagination!

     Why aren't you using your imagination?

     Why aren't you outside using your imagination?!

So ironic that he can parrot everything I say to him but can't actually manage to do any of those things. ***Sigh***

I win at Pinterest!

This is Week 3 of the kid's stay and the newness of the Great Outdoors has worn off. So has TV, books, Nintendo DS, Wii, the dogs, the cats, coloring, me, and anything else that they could possibly entertain themselves with.

Being a good soldier and believing in preparedness, I had numerous arts and crafts projects lined up for us.   (Many kudos to my mom who had to parent before the internet)

I spent about $50 on some essentials like glue,  a shower curtain to put over the table, glass beads, and paint brushes, but most everything was either trash I had saved (egg cartons, plastic bottles, beer caps) or kitchen items.

Here's what we've accomplished so far:

A Nod to the 60's - Homemade Lava lamps:

Water, oil, food coloring and drop an Alka Seltzer in it and watch it go baby!

3-D flowers  

 Made from boxes, egg cartons, construction paper, and bottle caps (this was one of my favorites and now sits in my office)

Poems!

 The kids LOVED this one:

I had a hardcover book that was awful so that I decided to cut the pages out of it so we could color around words to make poems.

Sharpie Art with Dollar Store Plates

Bake for 30 minutes and it's permanent 

Initial Art

They painted they letters and glued the glass beads to it

Bouncy Balls

Made from corn starch, Borax, glue and food coloring. Big hit with the kiddos. 

I still have a couple more tricks up my sleeve but I'm pretty happy with our projects so far!

Happy crafting

Is 11am too early to talk about Mortality? Because it sure feels like it.

My neighbor just got a new puppy this weekend.  

A Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix that looks like a little fluffy fox, similar to this:  

It's off-the-charts cute and an amazing kid magnet.  Not even 24 hours after getting the puppy my kiddos were over at the neighbors house toting the dog around.   It's like they can sense cute and must partake in it. But then comes the Want Factor. 

Around 11 am today, Boy Child asked me when it was going to be 4 o'clock because that's when the neighbors could play again.  I told him he had a good five hours before that happened. 

Boy Child let out a huge, dramatic sigh, put his elbows on the table, rested his head in his hands and said, "I wish we could get a puppy."

Me: You have a puppy in Florida.  

Boy Child:  But we need a puppy here. This summer!

Me: Um, we can't have a puppy because we have two dogs already.

Boy Child: When one of them dies can we?

Me: Geez. I don't want my dogs to die!

Boy Child: No - not wish them to die, but when they die of natural causes...then can we get a puppy?

Me:  I think you need to lay off watching so much Animal Planet. You're six. You shouldn't even know what 'natural causes' means. 

But seriously, he's six and the fact that he can reason out a response like that to 'solve the problem' has me thinking that this kid is going to be dancing circles around me in a few years. *Sigh*